Obama picks Ted Wheeler as his running mate

September 8th, 2008
Associated Press



After Joe Biden's mysterious disappearance in what has been called "a stunning gambit" a "Bold decision" and "fucking retarded" Barack Obama has selected Multnomah County Chair Ted Wheeler as his vice presidential nominee. In his remarks Wheeler said "I asked Barack Obama if he was sure about my chances of becoming Vice President and he said 'you bet', I then asked 'no seriously, are you sure' to which he replied 'yeah, quit asking so many questions already'".

"I wanted someone to go against Sarah Palin" the Land of Lincolner told reporters on Sunday "As many of you know Multnomah County is roughly the same population as Alaska only much cooler, they have a fucking aerial tram people - would you rather ride on a bridge to nowhere or a tram? I thought so". Ted Wheeler took office as Multnomah County Chair on January 1, 2007 after winning election in 2006 with 70% of the vote. He is both the Chief Executive Officer of Multnomah County government and the Chair of the Board of County Commissioners.

Senator John Kerry defended the decision on Sundays Meet The Press by saying "Multnomah County is just across the pacific ocean from China and Japan, logically Ted Wheeler has just as much foreign policy experience as Sarah Palin". Blogger Andrew Sullivan commented that Ted Wheeler might be the "key for Obama to tap into the disaffected Log Cabin Republican vote, oh wait, he didn't pick the Gay mayor of Portland? Bloody Hell".

When Obama campaign manager David Plouffe was asked to comment on McCain's decision to replace Sarah Palin with Joe Liberman he ran out of the room screaming "I told that asshole to pick Chuck Hagel - what did I do to deserve this shit?"